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| Hi ya party people, I don't understand what was in the water the first 6 months of this year, but ya girl is tired. 😴 Assuming most of you have today off, I hope you take the time to squeeze in a lil rest, family time, and maybe throw something on the grill! This week's Q&A is all about communication. One person is dealing with an employee who treats HR like kryptonite and won’t even let them do her reviews, and another who is trying to figure out how to talk about leaving a truly unhinged job without sounding like the unhinged one in the interview room. 😬 Put down your fireworks for a sec, and let’s dive in! And of course, if you have questions of your own and want a chance to be featured, please submit them here! ASK AWAY 📣 speaking up ✍🏾 What do you do when an employee will not come to you with any questions or concerns when that is your job as HR? Context: I work in an optometry office. We have four locations that I have worked at the last 6 years as a tech, receptionist and helped in other departments as needed. In Dec. of 2025, I took the position as Human Resource Manager. No one across the four offices had an issue with me taking this position, they were actually excited. However, there is one person who is not happy about it. She will not come to me with any troubles, will not let me do her reviews/check ins and will only go to the office manager with her troubles. We get along overall so I am not sure with the issue is. How do I approach her and nicely talk about it. Or is it even worth talking to her about? 📣 Alexandra E, CHRO @ Credit Union: Hi! I wouldn’t make this a confrontation unless it’s creating an actual operational problem. Some employees naturally gravitate toward the person they’ve trusted the longest, especially if you previously worked alongside them rather than as HR. Trust in a new HR role takes time. That said, if she’s refusing to participate in required performance reviews or check-ins with you, that’s worth addressing; not because you want her to come to you with every concern, but because those functions are a part of your job responsibilities. I’d approach it privately and from a place of curiosity rather than assuming there’s a problem. You could say something like, “I’ve noticed you tend to go to the office manager instead of me, and I wanted to check in. If there’s anything I can do to make you more comfortable working with me in my new HR role, I’d appreciate your feedback.” She may simply say she’s more comfortable with the office manager, and that’s okay. Employees don’t have to bring every concern to HR. As long as the office manager is keeping you informed when HR involvement is necessary and the employee is participating in required HR processes, I wouldn’t take it too personally at this stage. If she continues refusing mandatory reviews or HR meetings, then that’s a management issue that should be addressed jointly with the office manager, because those conversations with you in HR aren’t optional. Good luck! 📣 Anonymous Safe Space Member: I don't know how large your office is, but I started periodic "coffee chats" with everyone and keep those fairly open in terms of topics, to assess people's overall well-being and any concerns they have that require me to put on my HR hat (plus to talk about cats/favorite shows/the weather/...) This may be one way to overcome some of the hesitation this person is experiencing over time, without them feeling being put on the spot? 📣 Stephanie Salzano, HR Manager @ County Excellence Federal Credit Union: I'm wondering if this person was in the running for this position and is a tad upset that she did not get it. Something, you may not be aware of. Regardless of that though, as everyone here mentioned, you should have a private 1:1 conversation with that person. Ask open ended questions to try to find out the root cause of her reluctance. Let her know that if you don't know about any work-related issues, you cannot make any potential necessary changes. And if it is company policy for HR to do the reviews and check-ins, you cannot continue to make exceptions to this policy. Safe Space members can join this discussion here. Not a member yet? Apply to join here.  ✍🏾 Everyone knows that toxic workplaces abound, yet you're never supposed to say anything negative about a past employer. Is there a tactful way to explain why you left (or were fired from) a toxic workplace and/or a bad boss? Context: I worked in a company of about 60-90 employees where the job was presented as a human resources director who would be the company's first so I would be setting up a lot of new policies, procedures, culture initiatives. It turned out that in addition to all of this, I would also be the office manager & assistant to the CEO, order weekly lunches & birthday cakes, pick up weekly donuts & bagels, set up and break down chairs for meetings, hire the recruiter who was supposed to already be there when I started. To add to this, my boss constantly cancelled our weekly one on ones, and would not answer my emails. Every idea I had was contorted to something where the end result did not remotely resemble my idea. But he would not tell me this up front. Every time I would give him an update, he would present me with another "tweak" and do so in a manner that would imply that I had completely misunderstood. One example: I suggested a monthly new hire breakfast where it would just be him and the new hires as an opportunity for the new hires to get to know him a bit. This had been successful at some of the companies I had worked at. When we met again to discuss details, he then said it was supposed to be a lunch and where had I gotten the idea it was supposed to be a breakfast? When we had the first one, I included and ordered food for all of the new hires within the past month, on the morning of the event he decided that he wanted to include all new hires within the past 3 months! I could go on as there are so many things I could tell, but you get the idea. No one could be successful in this environment. 📣 Josiah Hernandez, People Operations & Recruiting Manager @ CW Financial Services LLC: I sort of hate that people feel like they can't tell the truth because of this unwritten rule about not speaking negatively about a past employer. Clarity isn't negative. It's professional. You could say that over time you realized the structure just wasn't set up for either you or the company to succeed, and that it taught you a lot about how you work best. AND in your specific situation, I'd actually say you have an easier case to make. The scope of what you were hired to do shifted significantly, the position evolved in a way that moved you away from the work you were brought in to do. You needed to be in an environment where you could fully focus on people strategy. You can say all of that without trashing anyone. Interviewers who are worth working for can handle nuance. 📣 Nikki Salisbury, HR Director @ Motor Technology Inc: First, take yourself out of the situation for a minute and describe what happened without using words like "toxic," "bad boss," or "terrible company." Every toxic workplace is usually built on something more specific that can be explained. Reading your post, what jumps out at me isn't necessarily toxicity. It sounds more like unclear expectations and poor communication. For example, I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with an HR Director also handling office management, recruiting, executive support, lunches, meeting setup, etc. in a smaller company. A lot of smaller companies combine roles. The bigger question is whether that was communicated clearly before you accepted the role. I also think it's important to separate changing expectations from ideas evolving. In most organizations, good ideas go through multiple revisions as different people weigh in. The first version of an idea is rarely the final version. That's just part of working collaboratively. What would concern me more is whether everyone was operating from the same understanding of what had been decided. Using your example, if one person thinks it's a breakfast and another thinks it's a lunch, that's a communication problem somewhere. So if I were explaining why I left, I'd focus on those specific issues instead of calling the environment toxic. Something like: "The role ended up being very different than what was presented during the hiring process, and I struggled with constantly changing expectations and a lack of clear communication around priorities and decisions." If you're using examples in an interview, choose examples that directly support the point you're trying to make. If your concern was unclear communication, the breakfast/lunch example may support that point. But for an HR leadership role, I'd probably focus more on examples tied directly to HR strategy, policy development, organizational support, change management, or role expectations. As an interviewer, I'm usually less interested in whether a breakfast became a lunch and more interested in how you responded when priorities changed, expectations shifted, or communication broke down. Those situations tell me how you'll operate in the next role. Anybody can tell me why their boss was difficult. Strong candidates explain the situation, identify the actual problem, and show how they navigated it. The example itself matters less than what it demonstrates about your judgment, adaptability, and ability to solve problems. Focus less on what happened to you and more on how you responded to it. 📣 Kristen Brown, VP of People @ Blue Cloud Pediatric Surgery Centers: "If I'm being candid, I'm really looking forward to working with a leader who aligns with my values, sets clear expectations, and wants to build a strong partnership. I had to navigate some challenging leadership dynamics in my previous org that made it difficult to be effective in my role." Safe Space members can join this discussion here. Not a member yet? Apply to join here. Sponsored by Gem Be honest, how much of your team's day is still spent on work that a well-prompted AI could do in six minutes? 🤔  🚨 ON YOUR RADAR 🎧 I Hate It Here Podcast: I'm always dropping new episodes with your favorite People Ops leaders! Until we return with a new season of guests, enjoy some of the greatest hits! Check it out on Spotify or Apple Podcasts! 🧠 Mark your calendar for Jul 28! The next HR Therapy will be for everyone who's nodded along about "AI's impact on the workforce" with zero data to prove it. Amanda Arena and Will Self from Aon are joining me to help you build the actual plan and have the hard convos! ❤️ From ‘I Hate it Here’ to ‘I Love it Here’: Your Culture Transformation Roadmap. HR can influence culture change in any organization, and this course teaches you how. Join the Safe Space community to access it! 🍳 Knowing AI can help is one thing, but knowing exactly what to type is another. Rippling broke down 25+ useful prompts from HR, IT, and Finance leaders into step-by-step recipes so you can put AI to work asap!* *This one is brought to you by one of my amazing brand partners 📝 RESOURCE OF THE WEEK Each week I feature a resource I love from the Safe Space library that I believe would be relatable to this week's newsletter topic. Today, we’ve got a structured interview process template. Check it out HERE ⬇️  FRIDAY FUN 🚨 immediately, no..png?sig=0ed9de0890c13740b54eaa44e6e17615927fb951d4f47a35058d2541428931a1&size=email-body&dpr=2) INSTANT RED CARD. What do you mean I'm to blame for something no one let me OR asked me for input on??? Pls clean up your own messes w/o blaming me. What are some other HR red cards?? WE MADE IT TO FRI-YAYYYYYY. | |||||||||||
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